I really enjoyed the film Lincoln last month. I have no trouble suspending my sense of disbelief when I’m in the cinema and for two and a half hours, it really felt like I was in the presence of the great man. Daniel Day Lewis’ performance was extraordinary and his Oscar well deserved.
I’ve always been interested in American history and I’ve read lots of books, especially about the Civil War. And the film reminded me of when Lincoln was urged by a particular friend to give up large parts of government property in the Southern States in order to bring the war to a swift conclusion. In reply, Lincoln asked if his friend remembered the fable of the Lion and the Woodsman’s Daughter?
“Aesop writes that a lion was very much in love with a woodsman’s daughter” explained Lincoln. The love was reciprocated and the lion went to the father and asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
The father told the lion that his teeth were too long so the lion went to a dentist and had them taken out. He returned and once again asked for his bride.
“No,” said the woodman, “your claws are too long.”
So the lion went to the doctor and had his claws removed. Then he returned to claim his bride and the woodsman, seeing that the lion was now completely unarmed, beat him to death.
“May it not be so with me” concluded Lincoln, “if I give up all that is asked.”
I learned a long time ago that you can’t give anything away in negotiations without getting something back in return. I also learnt that the most important element in any deal isn’t the contract – it’s dealing with people who are honest. And I know that can sometimes be hard to establish, but we have a lot of tools at our disposal these days and a bit of due diligence is rarely wasted.
No matter what industry you’re in, the ability to effectively negotiate can make the difference between success and mediocrity so I thought you might find it helpful if I shared with you some of the rules of good negotiating that I’ve learned over the last 20 years:
Rule number 1 – know what you want.
It’s important to go to the table with a clear, realistic idea of what you want to achieve. Kick off without this and it’s almost impossible to win because you’ll be at the mercy of the other party’s agenda.
Ask for what you want. Don’t be frightened to make the first offer. You’ll set the tone for the discussion and there are some studies that suggest that the negotiator who goes first usually comes closer to getting what he or she wants.
Now, having said that, I often counselled people to let the other person go first, but the truth is someone has to start the process and I found that as long as I’m clear about my expectations then kicking off can be a really good thing.
Understand what the other side wants.
A successful negotiation should satisfy both sides. I prefer to think of my negotiations as more like a ballroom dance than a game of squash. In the former, the two people work together to get to something that makes both of them happy whereas, on the squash court, each is trying to crush the other and that, in my experience, is a really poor longterm strategy. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and trying to understand honestly what they hope to get will make it much easier for you to find the solution that works for you both.
Don’t concede unilaterally. This is really important. In any negotiation, one side or the other will have to give something up. If you offer something, be sure to get a comparable concession from the other side. This includes if you reduce the price. Giving away something for nothing is exposing a weakness that will likely be exploited. The playing field needs to be level and you don’t have to accept being bullied.
Don’t rush. When I was younger, I wanted every possible deal or contract to be sorted quickly, but the truth is, time can be your friend – especially if you’re willing to wait for the right deal. If the other side senses a deadline then they may be more tempted to hold out until the last minute or try to force you into accepting unreasonable terms. Be patient and let the time pressure work against the other people, not you.
Be ready to walk away. I know this can take a certain amount of courage but it is necessary to avoid being backed into a corner. If you are ready and willing to walk away then you’ll nearly always get a better deal than if you simply have to make something happen.
Listen. The more tuned in you are to what the other side is saying, the better you’re likely to do. Sometimes what the other side say is not the same as what they want. For instance, they say that the price is too high, but their most important requirement is quality. Pay attention for clues that will help you direct your response to a better outcome for everybody.
